religion/politics/people

Visted some friends tonight. One of them passionately hates republicans. I agree with a lot of what he says, but you can't lump all people of one party together. He was telling his son that republicans don't care about people (or something to that affect) and praising the democrats for their social programs. Then we were lamenting the state of public schools and what the welfare system has done to people. I pointed out that the social programs that he loves are part of that problem. I'm not a republican or a democrat. I wasn't in the mood for a major debate so I let the subject drop.

Then we discussed church. I don't go to church, but I had agreed to play the piano for a Methodist church this morning. I was telling them how boring it was and how ridiculous the prayers were. He pulled out his program from the Episcopal church and showed me their prayers. (written in the bulletin) They pray for the "vicims of the social order'. He was so happy about that, but my question is "is that prayer being answer??" They told me about the ministiries their church has for soldiers, poor, etc. I said "But those are things that YOU are doing. What is GOD doing?" ?????????????????

middle schoolers

I've been substitute teaching at our local middle school this week. What a depressing experience. Aside from the fact that it's exasperating, it makes me extremely concerned about the future of our society. These kids are worse than animals. No respect for adults, each other, or themselves. They couldn't care less if they learn anything. How dare I ask (tell) them to get out a book or paper or pencil?! They are sloppy, and rude and unprepared (paper, pencils, etc.). I hardly even know how to describe it. The fact that my children have to go to school with these cretins is bad enough, but the thought that they are our future leaders, workers, parents, etc. just leaves me speechless.

random thoughts

Well, I haven't posted in a while. I saw some old friends in January. Let on a little about my bolt from religion. Mixed responses. Made some new friends. Two gay guys that have been together for 20 years. We were in a play together. I feel like I've known them a long, long time. Dropped a friend. She was totally undependable and our friendship was ridiculous. Still looking for some major purpose in life. The mom thing is certainly important, but I think I can do that and other things, too. I just don't seem to have enough focus or passion about one particular thing. I'm taking a class that will give me my teaching certificate back so maybe teaching is what I need to do. Just regular teaching. Not saving the world in some big way, just making a difference with the students in the classroom. (I realize this is full of sentence fragments--they're acceptable in blogs.)
Still thinking about my old boyfriend from high school (see previous post). I probably won't contact him, but I think about him enough that I haven't completely ruled it out.
Kind of want to go to church for the social part. I've had a couple of people asking me to go to their church recently and I like them and I've been tempted, but then my FFRF newspaper comes in the mail and I get a reality check. It can be very lonely believing something so different fromo SO many people. I have to be true to myself, though. People have certainly been through worse things.
Okay, enough rambling.

to Jeff

Thanks for the comment. You're probably right about leaving it alone. What kind of book did you write?

Thoughts on Religion

I noticed on Julia Sweeney's blog that someone commented that "there's really no difference if god created man or man created god" (that's actually a paraphrase, not a quote). I couldn't disagree more! If God created man, then there really is a higher power out there controlling (or choosing not to controll) things. If man created god, then it's FICTION!!!! HELLOO!!! Isn't that different???? ARGH!!!

Another thing...I saw a friend this weekend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. I told her that I had "given up church". Her comment was that she understood giving up church, but she hoped that I didn't give up on God. To me that gets back to the issue of whether the bible is reliable because if you don't get your idea that there is a god from the bible, where do you get it? It seems that either you can believe all of it or none of it. I don't believe my husband when he says he has a meeting and will be late, and then NOT believe him when he says he loves me. I either believe him or I don't. That's probably a horrible, stupid comparison, but it's what popped into my head.
And how can Christians give God the credit for everything good, but never the blame for anything bad. When the families thought that the miners were okay they said "Praise the Lord!". When they found out the report was wrong they didn't say "Damn God!" Well, I wasn't there, maybe they did, but I seriously doubt it.

I dated a black guy in high school. (I'm white.)

I really liked him, and I think he really liked me. (Let's call him Mark.) Mark's best friend (Ken) was white and his girlfriend (Barbie) was black. (??) Well, Barbie's parents didn't approve of her white boyfriend, but my parents didn't have a problem with my black "boyfriend". I think they thought we were just friends. To go to the prom, Ken had to pick me up, so that Mark could pick Barbie up. When we got to the prom we just swapped dates. I was pretty much a nobody in high school, so the fact that people stared or whispered wasn't a big deal. I didn't have anything to lose. (Is that as clear as mud? That has nothing to do with the relationship, I just think it's an interesting litte story and it is totally true.)

Anyway...Mark and I may have actually had a future together if I could have handled the racial thing. I thought I could, but during the summer before my senior year I went on a trip with my church choir. This was a Southern Baptist church and of course, there were chaperones. Anytime we passed black people one of the chaperones would make really ugly comments. Watermelon and fried chicken kinds of comments. She was a "good, Christian woman" and a school teacher. Well, when I got home, things just weren't the same between Mark and me. I knew I couldn't handle the interracial problems we would have, but I didn't want to tell him why. Now here's the kicker: The reason I didn't want to tell him was because I didn't want him to think ill of the people in the Baptist church!!!!!! Is that insane or what???? I just let him be totally hurt and confused so that the bigots in my church would be protected!! I so, so, so regret that. I have recently discovered that he is living back in our hometown (I live somewhere else), and I know where he works and everything. I have quite an urge to contact him and tell him this whole thing, but he's happily married and so am I and I might just be opening up a can of worms for nothing. I would love to have closure, and to be honest, I'd love to see and talk to him again, but I'm trying to be rational. I thought maybe if I wrote this down in my blog it would help me. We'll see.

church basketball

I get furious everytime I go to a basketball game at the baptist church where my daughters play. The league is called Upward and it's a great program, IF the coaches would follow a few simple rules that are specific to this league. Welll, of course, many of them don't, one in particular. He has been coaching for 6 years in this league and has always played fast and loose with the rules. He also gets quite an attitude if something doesn't go his way. Well, I think he's a jerk and I pretty much avoid him, but I actually fault the pastor more than him. I coached last year and explained my concerns to the pastor. Nothing ever changes. This coach shows his butt at least once a year (He's a faithful church member!), but every year they welcome him back to coach once again.

The head referee also is well aware of the rules, but doesn't seem to care. He's not quite as much of a jerk as the coach, but he's in the same category.

Every year, at every game, I tell myself to sit there and watch and BE QUIET! I haven't succeeded yet. I know these people think I'm a pain in the butt, but I think that they are idiots, jerks, and sorry leaders for not handling these problems. It's not that I can't stand to lose, but the kids need to have a fair shot at a decent game.

First post, just trying this out

Friday, Jan. 13, 2006

I love reading Julia Sweeney's blog, so I decided to start my own. For now, I'll just log off and see if I can get back to this. Then I'll actually write something.